Surrendered: The Rise, Fall & Revolution of Kwame Kilpatrick by Kwame Kilpatrick

Author:Kwame Kilpatrick [Kilpatrick, Kwame]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: AudioInk
Published: 2012-03-08T05:00:00+00:00

chapter 15

Controlled Chaos

BY JANUARY 2005, I was at my lowest point emotionally, physically and mentally during my tenure as mayor. Too much work. Too many problems and lies. Too much on my mind. I was completely unhappy and devoid of energy. No one cared, and I wanted to quit.

The press was feasting on the Navigator story, the City’s budget deficit climbed over $100 million, and all the prognosticators were preaching gloom and doom for any re-election bid that I would inevitably seek. For the record, I never believed that I could lose an election to anyone at any time. I just have that much confidence. But I and those closest to me knew we had serious problems.

I decided not to focus on re-election at all, and just try to be the best mayor I possibly could. I wasn’t even certain that I’d seek re-election. It would take months, and the media’s anointing of Freman Hendrix as mayor apparent, to spark enough ego, competition and pride to fuel another run. I would run, but first, I had to repair some things in my life.

I had to speak with Christine first, and tell her that it was time to stop. Honestly, this was at least the fifth time we had had this conversation, and I don’t know why this time was any different, except that I cared less about my job then than at any other time in our relationship. I wanted Kwame back.

Next, I had to talk with Carlita. Whew! This was surely the most difficult thing that I had to do. I was prepared to be honest, but not completely transparent. Not yet. Still, I was going to try, because I couldn’t be me without her. Renewing my commitment to her was non-negotiable.

Finally, I had to figure out how to fix a $100 million deficit in the City’s budget, while keeping the City moving forward. The Super Bowl was right around the corner. My options were to lay off cops and firefighters, close recreation centers, eliminate bulk trash pickup, or do nothing and let the next mayor handle it. If you don’t get me by now, though, you never will. Shifting responsibility, passing the buck or cowering under harsh decisions and circumstances is not my style. Decision made, I went to work after speaking with Christine. I went to her house in February 2005, after the Navigator fiasco began to subside. We were in her basement. Her daughters were sleeping upstairs. I sat down next to her.

“Oh, boy,” she immediately said. “I guess this is ‘the talk,’ huh?”

“The Talk” is what we’d come to call our inevitable break-up conversation. I told her that I felt like a complete mess, that my life was in turmoil, and that I needed to focus on my family first. What we were doing had clearly taken a heavy toll on both of our lives and our families. Nothing good would ever come from it. The affair was dishonest and whimsical at best, and we owed each other more than that.

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